If I Could Talk to My Brother
by Jessica Thornton,
LCSW-C, Grief Counselor
If I could talk to my brother today, I’d say: “Dear brother, it has been eighteen years since your memorial service, where I had over fifty people say ‘Oh, your poor father,’ and your daughter reached for my hand as the song Yesterday played in the room where we saw your casket.
Seventeen years of anniversaries where pictures of wolves or motorcycles and reminders of August weather has me noticing melancholy and hoping I’m helping my own kids learn how to not be jerks to each other. Sixteen years of me answering the question, “How many siblings do you have?” with measured responses .”
Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to express your experience to others, only for someone to say it was not important? When your lived experience is dismissed, ignored, and/or overlooked, our experience can feel disenfranchised.
Disenfranchised grief occurs when a person experiences a loss that others do not openly acknowledge or even actively avoid talking about the person who died and/or the circumstance of their death.
Sibling loss is wrought with disenfranchisement—from the focus being on parents who lost a child, to the feelings of confusion or shame that surface when a person is asked, “How many siblings do you have?” and learning who you are without your sibling and your shared history.
As part of a grief community, individuals who have lost a sibling, either in childhood or later in life, deserve to have time and space to address the grief of their specific loss.
We will be offering a Sibling Loss Support group starting in March 2026 to provide a safe environment for those individuals who have lost a sibling. This space will allow for individuals to express their grief, share their stories, and connect with others as they navigate life without their sibling.
